30 Days Post-Partum: Some Semblance of Normalcy

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It’s been a month since I gave birth and I’m ecstatic that things in the household have started settling down. When I was a week deep into parenting, I was an anxious mess. I just had a C-section, dealing with a lot of pain, sleep deprivation, getting used to a new body, etc. There’s also the ginormous task of caring for a newborn, something that I have been completely clueless about just a few weeks prior.

So yeah, that was fun.

I felt overwhelmed, to be honest. The mounting chores and responsibilities could make anyone head for the hills, let’s be real. But as they say, this too shall pass. The anxiety and feelings of helplessness that threatened to overwhelm me back then have passed. I still worry about Damien most times but I am gradually gaining more confidence over my abilities as a parent.

The body changes were a little harder to swallow. This new momma body is something else guys. Honestly, I feel so losyang right now. I’m not motivated to look good because I don’t feel happy when I’m this lumpy.  I put too much pressure on myself, I know. But I don’t care what self-love/body acceptance crusaders say, I got fat and I hate it. I don’t want to be skinny, but I want my old clothes to look good.

I have lost 25 pounds two weeks after giving birth if you can believe that. Even my doctor was so impressed! I gained back a bit of weight (about 5 pounds), however, because my sister flew home to be with me and Damien and we ate a lot during my break, hahaha!

Now that my sister is back abroad, I can work on my diet for realzies. And I have! I started by cutting back on carbs and eliminating snacking completely. Next week, the hubs and I will go on our daily walks, which I am really excited about. God knows these legs have turned to mush from inactivity. Once I heal completely, I will enroll at the local gym. I am committed to shedding the extra weight because I don’t feel my best when I’m this big. Can’t wait until this losyang phase is over.

My insomnia is gone, I sleep soundly again at night except on days when the nanny is on a break! I am currently dealing with a couple of health issues, none were the result of my pregnancy but of sheer neglect. It’s a hassle, dealing with health problems, but hopefully, I will catch some break soon.

I’ve also gone for a much-needed trim. I didn’t like the result only because the cut turned out weird but seeing the result, I feel like I’m still there somewhere, just waiting for the right moment to come back again. Also got a new pair of graded glasses because mama needs a fresh look.

I, along with Damien and the nanny have started to gradually build a routine. Unfortunately, Damy is still in the moody stage so there’s a lot of trial and error. But I like that there is now some semblance of normalcy in our home. Took a while, but we are definitely getting there.

The hubs and I are doing great, as far as caring for Damy goes. The hubs, in particular, is so patient with our little one. It’s true what they say, you fall deeper in love with your spouse each time you see him caring for the baby. I count my lucky stars, guys. I’ve no fucking clue what to do with a baby, even when the maternal instincts were kicking in. I simply cannot imagine doing this alone.

One thing I learned about this experience is that I wasn’t in love with Damien right away. I wasn’t connecting with Damy in utero, to be honest. I feel like I was connecting more with Jelly Bean during the pregnancy, does that sound bad? But as the day goes by, I felt myself falling in love with Damy. More than a month later, I miss Damy every time he’s asleep! Even when I dread his marathon meltdowns! I find myself just staring at his little face, in awe that we made something this perfect, pure, and beautiful!

Motherhood, am I right?

Tina Lee

Tina Lee-Almazar is a writer with an insatiable appetite for all things bright, shiny, and beautiful. She's a beauty junkie, a shopping connoisseur, a book collector, a purse addict, and a budding mom-tepreneur. Tina has a long-standing (and well-documented!) but one-sided love affair with cats. Special talents include: the ability to eat again an hour after eating, shopping at 3 different malls in 1 day, and taking a 3-hour power nap every day including weekends.

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